May 8, 2015

Am I Really Failing At Motherhood?

Mother's Day is this weekend, have you noticed how we're bombarded with advertisements and tear jerking commercials of what always appears to me "the perfect Mom" with her loving children who shower her with expensive gifts and sappy cards.

I don't know about you but this doesn't do a whole lot for my confidence level as a Mom. 
Even Facebook and my favorite blogs can sometimes make me feel like I'm failing at Motherhood.

It's particularly hard when you've been a Mom with chronic illness and you haven't been able to keep on top of the house, the discipline or even character training.  Did I forget to mention chores?  We're lucky if we make our beds a few times a week.

I haven't been the Mom who can go on a lot of excursions, field trips or even too many sporting activities.  Does this mean I'm failing?

As I reflect on the past 8 years I see how I've let things slide. My kids have been seriously sick with Lyme Disease and so have I.  It's been really hard just keeping up with the bare minimum especially when medical care is a full time job.

I found myself getting very emotional this past week and my failures were magnified in mind.  You may know very well the place where my mind and heart take me, you may go there too in your mind.

I dwell on all the things I haven't done, how I'm not as organized as that blog mom or how my friend's children are so respectful and obedient and sometimes I feel like I have to bribe mine.  My kids don't always get along and many times I feel like I'm just running around putting out little fires rather then dealing with issues at the heart level.  Then there's all those thoughts about failing in homeschool.

As a Christian I know that I have an enemy, Satan, who wants me to believe I'm a failure and give up. He wants me to be discontented and complain.  (1 Peter 5:8 Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.)

So what do I do with these feelings?  I'll be honest, sometimes I beat myself up for a few days until I realize what's going on.

Once I get over myself, I get to work.  Maybe some of these ideas might just help you too.


1.  PRAY.  I pray and ask God to help me and to step in and do the work that He says He will do in my life and my children's lives. "Philippians 1:6 being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ." 

I pray scriptures like Colossians 1:9-14 over myself and my children.  I pray for my thinking to be clear so that I focus on what God is doing in our lives and not what I think I should be doing and certainly not what all the Pinterest Moms are doing.

2.  EVALUATE.  Being a type A personality, I always evaluate our life, our schedule, our spiritual condition and I may even sit with a piece of paper and jot down whatever comes to mind.  It's not elaborate and wouldn't win any penmanship contests.  Just some quick notes.

3.  IDENTIFY ADJUSTMENTS.  Once I have a clear picture of how I'm doing as a Mom, how our homeschool is going and how everyone is doing in regards to character, relationships and spiritual walk, then I write down the necessary and reasonable adjustments that we could make.  Did you just skip over the word "reasonable"?  That's important here.  We can't make goals or changes that are impossible to reach.  I have to take into account our physical condition, are we well enough to meet these goals.

4.  INCLUDE THE FAMILY.  Putting a plan in action takes teamwork and so usually we'll have a group meeting which I always call "Table Time".  We'll discuss my observations and come up with solutions, but sometimes I come up with the solutions and it's not up for discussion.  Sometimes the plan is more about my attitude about things and I'll just get a feel for what they're thinking.

"We all need a daily check up from the neck up to avoid stinkin 'thinkin' which ultimately leads to hardening of the attitudes."  Zig Ziglar

5.  MAKE CHANGES.  There are times when change needs to take place slowly and sometimes they can be implemented right away.  Either way, getting started and being consistent is key.

Finally, give yourself a break! Don't listen to the lies swirling around in your head.  Realize that there are seasons in Motherhood when you won't see the fruit of your hard labor and sometimes you'll be too sick to work hard.

I'm learning that while I believe my success as a Mom has to do with being busy, keeping a clean house, making gourmet meals and keeping a schedule that's impossible for anyone, my children really just want time with me.  They want me to listen, to play and to go shopping with them.  They don't care if the house is a mess as long as I'm enjoyable to be around and having fun with them.

Most importantly, entrust your role as "Mom", your life and your children to God.

Have a wonderful Mother's Day and enjoy the blessings you have been given.

If this blessed you or you have your own action plan, I'd love to hear from you.  Jot me a quick comment below.  


  1. Really enjoyed this post, Tricia. As you entrust all that's on your plate to the Lord, He will lighten your load and provide the strength and help to get through it all. Have a great Mothers' Day!

    1. You are so right Alison, the only way is entrusting it all to the Lord! Thinking of you this Mother's Day!


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