Feb 5, 2016

It's My Turn To Heal

Healing From Lyme Disease, Co-infections and Adrenal Fatigue

Being the wife and mom of a household full of Lymies has been a hard road for sure. 

For years I have spent countless hours in research, taking myself and my children to doctors, filling prescriptions, ordering herbs and supplements, organizing medicine boxes, keeping pain journals and charts, homeschooling one-on-one, and doing everything else I could to help get us all better from Lyme and co-infections.

Early on I was able to focus on my own healing and healthy living but as we diagnosed each family member it became more and more difficult to find time for self care.

My 2nd daughter was very ill and spent much of her time in bed not able to lift her head, some nights she was up all night vomiting, she was weak, fatigued and filled with pain.

By the time my 3rd daughter was overcome by psychiatric symptoms I found it was impossible to take care of myself.

My daughter needed my attention and care almost all day and much of the night. Every morning I was greeted with her screams of anxiety and pleas for me to come help her get out of bed.

I was living on a thread; overloaded, frustrated and stressed out.  I could feel the desperation deep inside; I was desperate for answers, for help, healing and peace.  

My whole entire life was consumed with caring for my family and while I made the effort to eat as healthy as possible and took small bits of time here and there to take breaks when I could, it wasn't enough.

I knew that my lifestyle would eventually catch up with me and that I was living with way too much stress.  

I could feel my own anxieties and exhaustion on a daily basis. I was an impatient mom until I learned that my impatience and anger made my daughter many times worse.

I was forced to take deep breaths and wait quietly for the tantrum to end.  I was forced to patiently and gently speak to my daughter, to walk her through her therapy techniques.

Little did I know that learning this calming behavior was helpful for me too, it taught me to calm myself and not take on all of my daughter's stress and chaos.

Now everyone has gotten better and my daughter no longer needs me 24/7. The only thing she needs from me now are a lot of hugs, help with school, and to listen to the new songs she wrote.  I like my new responsibilities.

I'm no longer living in a constant fight or flight mode but I discovered recently that because I lived this way for so long my adrenals are fatigued, my emotions are raw and my body is exhausted.

Many of my initial Lyme symptoms have returned with a vengeance and I have a deep longing to hibernate along with the rest of nature.

So now it's my turn to care for myself, to be gentle with myself, to allow myself to rest, to heal and to seek the care that I need.

It's really hard for me to kick my feet up and read or take a nap, I always feel guilty.  

What I've discovered is that my kids and my husband are always happier when I'm taking care of myself. They actually like to see me rest.

The day I stayed in my PJ's all day gave me a glimpse of that. My husband kept telling me he was proud of me for taking the day to relax.  My daughters walked by, smiled and said, "Mom I like how you changed into new PJ's for the day," my son kept walking by me smiling and he told me he liked me sitting.

The other day I told my son we were doing school snuggled up in a blanket because I didn't feel well.  His reply was a happy "Yes!" with the whole bent arm thing going on.  He said he loved when I sat and relaxed because we could be together.

I hope you'll find time to take care of yourself even if you have to take care of others.  It is really important.

As I learn more about my adrenals and what it is I need to do to heal and recover I'll share with you. You may have already walked this journey and have great advice for me.  I 'd love to hear from you.

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